His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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