my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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