i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
