I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
