i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
