I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
