4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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