I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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