dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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