SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
