We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
