I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
