one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
