Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
