I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
