Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
