your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
