so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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