Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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