I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
