i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
