Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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