just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
