Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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