i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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