I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
