Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
