He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
