Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
