She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize