this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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