Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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