there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
