toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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