I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Farmville is her only friend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
