I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
