go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was like eating out sand paper
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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