franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
