margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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