what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
