Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
