I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
