you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
