Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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