I am puke
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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