i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
