alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
