this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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