You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
