I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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