My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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