Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
PANTIES FOUND
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
