Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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