Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
