remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
