i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
