remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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