I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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