I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Couch. On fire.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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