A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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