Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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