after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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