We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
