I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
