well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
