there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
