My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
