New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize