: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
