I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
