3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
