I wish I could teleport
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
