Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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