i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
