We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
